"I just did something involuntary. And messy."

(Ice Age 2, by the way)

I've mentioned before that I'm afraid of confrontation. Any confrontation.

I don't know why. But I'm really afraid of talking to people in person about how I feel. I can blog about it. I can chat online about it. On rare occasions I can even talk about it over the phone. But in person? I'm terrified.

I tried to figure out why I'm conditioned to be afraid of this, and how I got this way, but I kept drawing blanks. I got nothing.

There's been something I've wanted to talk to a friend about. But I've been incredibly scared. Finally I made a commitment today--I told him there was something I wanted to talk to him about, and that I wanted to do it in person. I'm still shocked I even got that far. Presently, I'm very nervous. There is no reason to be nervous about talking this person. And yet, I'm all quivery.

I just keep telling myself that the more I do it, the better it will get. I really hope I'm right.

In the mean time, I will study to distract myself.