Attraction
While having lunch with Brady today, I was telling him about a boy. This guy had really liked me, and although I loved spending time with him, I hadn't felt that I was attracted to him. I told the boy this, explaining that as much as I enjoyed our friendship I was afraid that taking things further might be a mistake because I lacked romantic feelings for him. Then Brady posed the question, "Is attraction really important?" He pointed out that that's a question most Moho's have to ask.
It got me thinking. In the context of a mixed-orientation relationship, I would have to argue that attraction is not the most important thing. Obviously, one of the partners will not be attracted to the other, and yet it's possible to have a lasting relationship under those conditions.
But what about in the context of a same-orientation relationship? I'm straight, and the guy who liked me was straight. So attraction is possible; does that make it a requirement for a romantic relationship? I've always thought so. But this situation makes me wonder. I really enjoyed spending time with this boy. We liked a lot of the same things, we never ran out of things to talk about, and I never got sick of having him around. Being in a relationship really would only have added physical elements to our friendship, which I didn't mind.
So why did I say no? Because I didn't want to hurt him. I knew it was possible that I could develop an attraction to him, but the opposite was also possible.
But why was it so important? If I enjoyed being with him, if we got along on a very deep level, why should physical attraction be such an important element? It just makes me wonder.
In the end, I did become attracted to him, but it was sort of too late. I don't think I regret my decision to say no--I was trying to do what was best for our friendship--but I wonder what I will do should a similar situation arise.
Just interesting to think about I suppose.
It got me thinking. In the context of a mixed-orientation relationship, I would have to argue that attraction is not the most important thing. Obviously, one of the partners will not be attracted to the other, and yet it's possible to have a lasting relationship under those conditions.
But what about in the context of a same-orientation relationship? I'm straight, and the guy who liked me was straight. So attraction is possible; does that make it a requirement for a romantic relationship? I've always thought so. But this situation makes me wonder. I really enjoyed spending time with this boy. We liked a lot of the same things, we never ran out of things to talk about, and I never got sick of having him around. Being in a relationship really would only have added physical elements to our friendship, which I didn't mind.
So why did I say no? Because I didn't want to hurt him. I knew it was possible that I could develop an attraction to him, but the opposite was also possible.
But why was it so important? If I enjoyed being with him, if we got along on a very deep level, why should physical attraction be such an important element? It just makes me wonder.
In the end, I did become attracted to him, but it was sort of too late. I don't think I regret my decision to say no--I was trying to do what was best for our friendship--but I wonder what I will do should a similar situation arise.
Just interesting to think about I suppose.
posted by Stephalumpagus @ 5:59 PM
1 Comments:
Now that we're friends, I'd like to comment.
I think attractions are important - else why do we have them? (Unless they're one of those things like wisdom teeth, the appendix, or Wyoming, where they're there but their purpose has long since become a mystery.)
God gave us attractions for a reason. In my opinion if they didn't matter, we wouldn't have them. (Now obviously this is slightly different for mohos. I think there's a reason we have our attractions, but it's a different reason from you hetero types.)
I'm not saying that you should only date people you're attracted to physically, but I think attractions can serve as a guide. An institute teacher of mine told us once (I realize this is unstable ground because the CES org isn't exactly a sterling example of correct doctrine, but bear with me) that people will be attracted to others with a similar spiritual level i.e. light is attracted to light, birds of a feather etc. etc. etc. So, use your attractions for, if nothing else, a way to decide who you really shouldn't date. I think that works even for those of us who aren't necessarily insatiably attracted to the opposite sex.
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