"When God saw that many men were lazy, and gave
themselves only with difficulty to spiritual reading,
He wished to make it easy for them, and added the melody
to the Prophet's words, that all being rejoiced by the charm
of the music, should sing hymns to Him with gladness."

St. John Chrysostom

"The composer...joins Heaven and Earth with threads of sound."

--Alan Hovhaness

Romans 5:6

"For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly."

Shout out to my Moho's

I think you've all gathered that there is a very special place in my heart for my Moho's. Mostly because you all are so good-looking and good-smelling...Just kidding. That's not why. I guess I just really admire all of you; you're my friends and you've taught me so many things. I just adore you.

Sitting in the Matis' home, I couldn't help but think how amazing you all are. My eyes teared up for a second because I could feel the incredible love the Savior has for you. He loves you so much. Don't you ever think you aren't good enough. Don't ever think there is something wrong with you. Don't ever let a heartless comment deter you from feeling the Savior's love, because I know he loves you.

There are lots of choices that have to be made, or that have been made. Some go for mixed-orientation marriages. Some remain single. Some choose to find a gay partner. Just know that no matter what you choose, you are good enough. No matter what you choose, the Savior loves you. And so do I.

I love you guys (and gal, in Samantha's case). I hope you know how glad I am to have you in my life; it's truly been a blessing. Muah.

Attraction

While having lunch with Brady today, I was telling him about a boy. This guy had really liked me, and although I loved spending time with him, I hadn't felt that I was attracted to him. I told the boy this, explaining that as much as I enjoyed our friendship I was afraid that taking things further might be a mistake because I lacked romantic feelings for him. Then Brady posed the question, "Is attraction really important?" He pointed out that that's a question most Moho's have to ask.

It got me thinking. In the context of a mixed-orientation relationship, I would have to argue that attraction is not the most important thing. Obviously, one of the partners will not be attracted to the other, and yet it's possible to have a lasting relationship under those conditions.

But what about in the context of a same-orientation relationship? I'm straight, and the guy who liked me was straight. So attraction is possible; does that make it a requirement for a romantic relationship? I've always thought so. But this situation makes me wonder. I really enjoyed spending time with this boy. We liked a lot of the same things, we never ran out of things to talk about, and I never got sick of having him around. Being in a relationship really would only have added physical elements to our friendship, which I didn't mind.

So why did I say no? Because I didn't want to hurt him. I knew it was possible that I could develop an attraction to him, but the opposite was also possible.

But why was it so important? If I enjoyed being with him, if we got along on a very deep level, why should physical attraction be such an important element? It just makes me wonder.

In the end, I did become attracted to him, but it was sort of too late. I don't think I regret my decision to say no--I was trying to do what was best for our friendship--but I wonder what I will do should a similar situation arise.

Just interesting to think about I suppose.

Another book recommendation

Lance Armstrong's It's Not About the Bike. Overall a very interesting, well-written, and inspirational book, but the closing line made me want to puke. I still would recommend it; unfortunately I don't own it so I can't lend it to any of you. You're on your own.

Of the finer things

It's time for me to stop complaining about boys. I'm so over all of it. There are just way too many good-looking guys in Provo for me to be sulking about one that just didn't happen to work out. Plus things have been patched up with him, yada yada yada, life is normal again.

Plus, I've been wanting to post some more quotes from Cry, the Beloved Country. It's a fantastic novel and I'd be happy to lend it to any of you.

pp 110-11:

We do not know, we do not know. We shall live from day to day, and put more locks on the doors, and get a fine fierce dog when the fine fierce bitch next door has pups, and hold on to our handbags more tenaciously; and the beauty of the trees by night, and the raptures of lovers under the stars, these things we shall forego. We shall forego the coming home drunken through the midnight streets, and the evening walk over the star-lit veld. We shall be careful, and knock this off our lives, and knock that off our lives, and hedge ourselves about with safety and precaution. And our lives will shrink, but they shall be the lives of superior beings; and we shall live with fear, but at least it will not be a fear of the unknown. And the conscience shall be thrust down; the light of life shall not be extinguished, but be put under a bushel, to be preserved for a generation that will live by it again, in some day not yet come; and how it will come, and when it will come, we shall not think about at all.

p 110:

Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.

p 142:

He helped the old man to his feet, and gave him his hat. And when Kumalo would have thanked him, he said, we do what is in us, and why it is in us, that is also a secret. It is Christ in us, crying that men may be succored and forgiven, even when He Himself is forsaken.

p 257:

There are women of the church sitting on the red earth under the lamp...They rise when the party approaches, and one breaks into a hymn, with a high note that cannot be sustained; but others come in underneath it, and support and sustain it, and some men come in too, with deep notes and the true...It is a hymn of thanksgiving, and a man remembers God in it...And it is sung in love and humility and gratitude, and the humble simple people pour their lives into the song.

p 261:

I have never thought that a Christian would be free from suffering, umfundisi [pastor]. For our Lord suffered. And I come to believe that he suffered, not to save us from suffering, but to teach us how to bear suffering. For he knew that there is no life without suffering.

p 312:

Yes, it is the dawn that has come. The titihoya wakes from sleep, and goes about its work of forlorn crying. The sun tips with light the mountains of Ingeli and East Griqualand. The great valley of the Umzimkulu is still in darkness, but the light will come there. Ndotsheni is still in darkness, but the light will come there also. For it is the dawn that has come, as it has come for a thousand centuries, never failing. But when that dawn will come, of our emancipation, from the fear of bondage and the bondage of fear, why, that is a secret.

Not impressed anymore

Well that lasted all of...what, two weeks? If even that long. Once again, boys suck.