You learn something new every day.

Of a more serious nature, but still just as good.

Monday, October 30, 2006


...usually suck. I usually come home from class, put off homework, spend way too much time on the net, and reflect on the weekend.

Not today. Today AtP took the Jerman and I to Salt Lake so I could do an assignment for my Church History class. One amazing lunch and a visit to the art museum later, we spent the day driving around Salt Lake and asking each other random questions.

For me, it was amazing. I'm so content right now. I don't know what else to say. Sometimes I have a hard time talking about personal things, but we were all so open with each other. Somehow I felt like I gained something today. Then there was an amazing sunset over the mountains on the way home...Life is beautiful.

I love you guys.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I don't know why...

...but this stuck out to me.

"And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart...

And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved...

And now behold, I ask of you...have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?"

Alma 5:12-14

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


"Learn to love and cherish [your] humanity--however broken, however wretched...Even the most wretched life is worth living before God."

Jean Bethke Elshtain (on C. S. Lewis "The Abolition of Man")

Friday, October 20, 2006


I need to do something other than sleep. I have slept way too much in the past two days. That's how I make time pass. That's how I avoid thinking and worrying. That's how I rejuvinate myself after crying. I want to just sleep the rest of the day away. But I shouldn't. I need to do homework but I can't focus. Ugh. It's Friday.

I just get so worried! It drives me crazy to not be able to help my friends when they're in need. You'd think I were the one struggling. Because I do! I struggle with them! I wish I could make them see it will be okay! I wish I could just be there.

But I'm not there. We all have lives. And so I constantly worry about them and constantly pray that maybe today will be better for them. Maybe today they will be happy.

Maybe tomorrow I won't have anything to be worried about.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Ok so I guess I'm posting it anyway...

Naked Native has convinced me to post my paper anyway. Like I said, I just did what was assigned.

Here it is, yo.

On “Intact Marriages in Which One Partner
Dis-Identifies with Experiences of Same-Sex Attraction: A Follow-Up Study”
Mark A. Yarhouse and Robin L. Seymore

Heterosexual marriages in which one member experiences same-gender attraction have not been extensively studied. In an attempt to gain more knowledge on this subject, Yarhouse and Seymore gathered qualitative information on the experiences of these couples. This is a one-year follow-up study in which 15 couples from the original study completed a questionnaire.
All thirty participants were white, and their ages ranged from 30 to 50. Of those who experienced same-gender attraction, ten were male and five were female. All couples reported attending church (Protestant Christianity) nearly every week, and some attended more than once a week. Two of the couples identified as LDS.

Participants were asked various questions, some of which required rating items on a given scale, and others which involved choosing from a list of answers. Questions included such items as reasons to keep the marriage intact, best things about the marriage, worst things about the marriage, how enjoyable sex is, whether or not partners have had affairs during the marriage, what led up to the affairs, how religion helps the marriage, current degree of happiness, and what the couples expect for the future. There tended to be majority responses, but many participants reported exceptions to their answers, especially on the questions about sexual enjoyment and frequency.

Because the couples in this study were quite similar (in race, religious attendance, culture) the results tended to be fairly regular with all or most couples answering questions in a similar manner. The conclusions drawn from the results of this study may be very useful and highly applicable for other American, white, religious couples. However, these results are quite limited in that they don’t incorporate couples who are of different races, cultures, or religious affiliations. The age range doesn’t include young couples who are just starting off, or older couples who have been together for many years. Thus, the success of these marriages at a younger or older age is unknown. Perhaps further study should be done with other age groups, nationalities, cultures, and religions.

The types of questions that were asked were good general questions that covered basic elements of the marriage. Emphasis was placed on happiness and mutual efforts to maintain a healthy marriage; affairs and the events and feelings leading up to them were also discussed. Participants were allowed to expand and explain their responses, which added to the amount of information gleaned from this study. Religion was only touched upon briefly (perhaps too briefly), though couples indicated that it was a major factor in the success of a marriage. Asking questions about specific beliefs that were helpful to the couples could have been informative.

Parenting, a large part of marriage and family relationships, was not discussed at all. Many questions could have been asked such as, “Have you ever explained the characteristics of your marriage to your children? At what age?” or, “How well do you get along with each other when it comes to disciplining children? What types of problems arise?” Eight of the participants mentioned parenting as one of the most difficult parts of the marriage, yet the study failed to discuss it any further than that.

Another flaw in this study is that it focused on the partner that experienced same-gender attraction. Obviously, this partner is the one who brings an extra “variable” into the marriage, if you will, but it is just as important to understand the other partner. What type of background does he or she bring into the marriage? Has he or she had experiences in the past with people who experience same-gender attraction? What does this partner do to be an understanding spouse? Both partners have to cope with same-gender attraction in his or her own way, and it is important to discuss both sides.

Not only was the research very narrow in its spectrum of culture, religion, and race, but it was also biased toward successful mixed-orientation marriages. This study looks at why some of these marriages work. However, it might be useful to look at why some of these marriages fail. It’s not a very optimistic view, but sometimes things are best defined as what they are not, rather than what they are. Researching unsuccessful mixed-orientation marriages could reveal a lot of information. Furthermore, couples would be able to learn from the mistakes of others.

One other point that this study failed to discuss was whether or not both partners were aware of feelings of same-gender attraction before their marriage. If partners were to discover such attractions later in the marriage, what would happen? Would they cope? Would the marriage fall apart? Such a variable could make a huge difference.

All in all, this study was helpful in gaining information for a specific group of people. It had good basic questions that allowed for full responses. However, because it lacked a broad dynamic range and it failed to discuss some important issues, more research would have to be done to make any broad statements about these wonderfully unique marriages.

Monday, October 16, 2006

by the way....

I'm reading In Quiet Desperation. Love it thus far. Will post my thoughts at a later date.

Psychology Paper

So I need to explain something. The assignment for this paper was to choose a research article about something I'm interested in, and then write about the article--brief summary, criticism of methods. That's it. Not much on content or opinion...

I wrote the paper. I followed the directions for the assignment. I don't know if I should post it's sounds cold to me (well i guess it's supposed to) because it just discusses the research methods rather than the topic...I just don't want it to sound like I'm lumping my friends with ssa into a group as if you're just some specimen to be studied. Plus I had to be a neutral third-party member so that I could provide good criticism. That was hard because the whole time my fingers were twittering to type a long opinionated essay about the content of the article rather than method criticism.

You know what I mean?

I picked too good of a topic. :)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


So I ordered "In Quiet Desparation" over a week ago. I was expecting it today. Until I got an email saying they just shipped it YESTERDAY.

Argh. I'm not a fan of waiting.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Ups and Downs

A bunch of us went to IHOP last night and had a bunch of french toast, and even more laughs. At the end we exchanged digits so we can "play" again in the future. I had a blast, and Attempting the Path was especially entertaining seeing as how he laughed really hard at everything. We're pretty much bff's now.

So I woke up this morning pretty cheerful, and I lazed about, talked to some people, and went to the football game. I left early because we were whomping on SDSU and it was getting boring.

I've been in a wonderful mood since, talking to people and reading. And then I checked my myspace. My friend's dad just passed away and they are having a funeral for him today. How did this happen? A month ago I was saying goodbye to this family as I left for school. I worked with him during the summer. This is going to be really hard on their family, both emotionally and financially.

I was thinking about it, and I suddenly realized how mortal we really are. What if it had been my dad? This man seemed healthy, and just had a heart attack one day. He wasn't even very old.

It really makes me grateful to have a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation, to know that it will be all right and that this life isn't the end. But what about people who don't know that? How are they comforted?

Friday, October 06, 2006

Some Good Links...

A friend of mine today noticed that I was reading that article from my last blog, and she asked if she could read it. I handed it over and she read it and thought about it and asked my opinion on some things. She then asked if I knew anyone who was LDS who was gay. I responded that I do, and we talked a bit about it. She said that an LDS friend of hers recently told her he was gay, and she was really worried about him because he's having a hard time with it. I talked to her about my experience with learning about SSA and different things I had come across. I gave her a couple of things to read that I thought were very informative and helpful, and I've decided to post them here.

First, the Church has that interview with Dallin H. Oaks and Lance Wickman. I can't say that I enjoyed the entire article, but it's probably the most information on SSA that the Church has published, and it lays out the Church's stance on the matter. It also has some clickable links to other information, which can be helpful. The link to the interview is:,19491,6056-1-202-4-202,00.html

Next, I read an article that was in the Salt Lake Tribune about an LDS man who is gay and married, and I really liked reading about his experience, as well as the experiences of a few other people. The link is:

The other resource I mentioned to my friend was the book "In Quiet Desparation." I haven't read it yet (the darn US Postal Service is soooo slow!!) but I have heard it is very insightful and quite amazing.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Psychology Assignment

For a psychology paper, I am supposed to choose a research article on a topic I am interested in and then write about it or something. So I scoured the online articles in the HBLL for something about SSA, being as how I have been reading about it lately.

I ended up choosing an article about "mixed-orientation" marriages. I actually found two articles on this. One study took a sample of religious people whose mixed marriages were successful. A survey was distributed that evaluated different aspects of the marriage--what was good, what was bad, what was difficult, what kinds of problems and successes there were, etc. The other article discussed why mixed marriages were unsuccessful. I didn't like this article because there were way too many variables (not all parties in the marriage were aware of same-sex attraction, bad motives for getting married, etc.) and it studied mostly non-religious couples. Seeing as how I am religious, and that I'm an optimist, I was more interested in the religious aspect of the subject and how people could make this situation work.

Overall it was a good article. In general, both partners were happy with their marriage and were hopeful for the future. Some couples indicated extramarital affairs, but for the most part those challenges had passed, and most indicated they were happy with their partners. Couples said that communication was extremely important and that church was a huge support factor for them.

That was it, in a nutshell. I didn't like how they designated the homosexual spouses as "strugglers," and I don't think they went into enough detail on parenting. Also, because so little research has been done in this area, we can't necessarily apply these results to all mixed-orientation couples.

The article was titled: "In Tact Marriages in Which One Partner Dis-Identifies With Experiences of Same Sex Attraction: A Follow-Up Study" by Mark A. Yarhouse and Robin L. Seymore

This is the link to the article in the HBLL, but you will probably need a BYU net ID and password to access it: