Doing better

Returning to Uta (no h on purpose) meant returning to problems. With renewed strength from my trip home, I came back. That didn't make going to school on Monday very easy though. And with my random neck "injury," I wasn't very happy to be back in Uta.
A dear dear wonderful friend and I had a long chat online Monday night. I was able to talk to him about some things that had been on my mind, and he expressed concerns he had as well. I could tell he really cared. I went away from that conversation a bit more peaceful, and I thought about it for a long time as I lay in bed.
Then, staring at the ceiling, I had a long talk with God. I laid everything out, explained what I was struggling with, what I was worried about. I went into depth, and got all of my thoughts out, and then made a deal with him. I promised I would trust in him and do what he would have me do if he would just give me the strength to keep going and to be happy. I thanked him for my incredibly family and friends and the support they lend me. I thanked him for the wonderfully blessed life that I lead. Feeling lighter and refreshed, I fell asleep.
The past few days have been significantly better. Not that anything wonderful happened. Not that I didn't have any worries or disturbances. But I've just had such a better attitude. I feel confident that everything will be all right. I'm not sure how everything will work out, but I know that it will.
I just need to remember that.

Mosiah 23:21

"...the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith."


"Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God's omniscience, as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship...

"We read in Mosiah about how the Lord simultaneously tries the patience of his people even as he tries their faith. One is not only to endure--but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord 'seeth fit to inflict upon [us],' just as did a group of ancient American Saints who were bearing unusual burdens but submitted 'cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.'

"The Lord has twice said: 'And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life.' Could it be that only when our self-control has become total do we come into true possession or our own souls?"

Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Why?!?!

Gaylic...

...is amazing. AtP taught me a few things.
Hilarious. I love it.

Experience #1

As many of you know, yesterday President Hinckley shared a few of his life experiences that he has always remembered and cherished. He encouraged all of us to write down meaningful experiences we've had in our own lives. Not enough time or brain power to do it all at once, but I have time for one.

Last night, around 2 am, Roommate A and I had a long conversation about SSA. Our conversation continued today. We shared the thoughts we had had about gay people before we had known any gay members of the Church. Neither of us really understood why people were gay, but both of us had had gay friends. We sort of just loved them who they were but didn't agree with or understand their lifestyle.

We also talked about gay marriage. We have some common friends--a gay couple--who we love dearly. I remember when they broke up how sad we were. Recently they got back together and all seemed right with the world. Why wouldn't we want them to the have the opportunity to get married? Living in California, close to SF, most people were for gay marriage. In history and government classes we never really knew which side we were on. Gay marriage seemed so logical, but we knew the Church was against it. The Church told us gay marriage is wrong, but logically it makes so much sense.

Then we learned about SSA in the Church through a friend. It was hard to understand at first--how could a member of the Church be gay? In the past [almost] year, we've learned more about how people could experience SSA but still be a good member of the Church. And now most of our friends are gay, and we love it. SSA isn't talked about a lot in the Church, which is unfortunate. But it's gradually getting better, and hopefully will continue to do so.

We came back to gay marriage with this new understanding of SSA and decided that it's just one of those things that are HARD. Marriage is between a man and a woman only. It sounds so harsh to just tell people, I'm sorry, you can't get married to the person you love. But that's what the Lord has told us. Even though gay marriage logically makes sense, eternally it doesn't. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." (Isaiah 55:8) It's so sad for me to think that some of my dearest friends won't be able to get married in this life. I really admire their strenght; it's far greater than my own.

Our conversation continued on today and we talked about gay people we know and love and how they've made our lives better. It was one of those really meaningful conversations that I will probably think about for a long time.

Sorry if I offended anyone. The conversation more of an exploration of our thoughts and ideas and I wasn't trying to be opinionated by posting it. I'm still learning. Love to all. I'm tired. Goodnight.