This Just In

She threw out the letter. No one knows if she read it or not. It's really a shame because I wrote some really nice things in that letter. It's also a shame because this means she doesn't want to fix things.

What else is there to do? It's in her hands.

Maybe she just likes being mad. I, however, do not, and I will be the very essence of kindness when she is around.

And I'm still smiling.

Feeling Good

I've seen Roommate C for probably a total of three minutes in the past two days. I felt like a jerk at first, but I don't anymore. I feel good.

This may sound mean, but her being gone has really taken a lot of tension out of living at our house. Da Jet, Cuorderoy, and I all went to bed very happy and content last night.

I also wrote Roommate C a letter. I don't know if she's read it yet, but when she does, there's not really anything more I can do until she decides she wants to fix things. No more guilt for me.

Furthermore, Roommate C's reaction to the whole situation, her avoidance of us, her storming in and out of rooms not talking to us, is the type of behavior that started this mess in the first place. Thus, her acting like this now only confirms that we were not in the wrong in confronting her about it.

And so, today, despite the snow, I am in a fabulous mood.

Communication

I obviously have a problem with communication. I'm non-confrontational to the extreme. I'm the kind of person who would rather suck it up, absorb the problem, or just be plain miserable rather than confront anyone about the problem. I'd rather suffer to preserve their feelings.

That's not right! Holy man, what the heck is wrong with me? I should NOT have to miserable just to avoid contention. But I do. I do it all the time. Why? Because I LOATHE confrontation. The awkwardness, the hurt feelings, the loneliness, the anger, the hatred, the misunderstanding. It makes me sick.

Sick enough that I couldn't focus on anything yesterday. Sleeping is my defense mechanism, and rather than catch up on homework, I felt sick enough that I slept from 3:30 until almost 9:00.

One of my roommates has a bit of a temper. Yesterday, Roommate B confronted her about it, saying that we didn't think we should live with her in the fall. Obviously, she didn't take it well, and she seemed to think that none of us care about her and that she was a complete monster. Courderoy and I talked to her, but were unable to convince her that we still liked her. It was just a matter of not having personalities conducive to living together.

Well, she didn't believe us. She left and didn't come home until this morning. Even this morning, she left the room when we came in, and stormed out of the house when she left for work.

THIS IS WHY I HATE CONFRONTING PEOPLE. I don't want this! I don't want to live like this for the rest of the month. Even though I knew the issue needed to be talked about, I feel like a total jerk. And even though I'm relieved that the issue is no longer stifled, I still feel like a jerk. She's so upset! She wants nothing to do with us, and she believes we want nothing to do with her. I tried to explain yesterday that that's not the case, but she didn't believe me. When Cuorderoy said hello to her this morning, she stormed out of the room.

Basically, it's incredibly awkward.

Because she won't talk to me, I wrote her a letter. I apologized and let her know we don't hate her. I also said that it was up to her to let us make this better. She has to decide if she wants to talk to us, because we certainly are willing to talk to her.

If she decides to be stubborn and continue storming in and out of rooms I think I'm going to go crazy. Not to mention it's almost to the point that I'm just pissed off. I mean, obviously she's upset. I'd be upset too if my roommates told me I have an anger problem and it would be better if I didn't live with them in the fall. Anyone would be upset at that. But to completely not talk to us at all and not even want to be in the same room as us? Yeah that's going to help the situation (said with dripping sarcasm).

It's up to her. If she doesn't want to make amends, that's really too bad, and I would really regret it.

This situation certainly doesn't help with my hesitance to confront people.

It's an effing Catch 22. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.